How The Inner Critic Fuels Perfectionism
Do you find yourself feeling like nothing you do is ever quite good enough? When you achieve something significant or receive great feedback, do you quickly change the goalposts or focus on what could have been better? If so, you may be stuck in the cycle of perfectionism, driven by a relentless inner critic.
What is the Inner Critic?
The inner critic is the voice in your mind that harshly judges and compares, often undermining and belittling you. It might sound like:
“You totally screwed that up”
“You should have done more”
“You’re so incompetent”
“You really think that was good?”
This internal ‘part’ of us typically develops in our early life through our experiences - often internalisaing messages and expectations from our family, school, and broader society. From a young age our inner critic starts to hijack our minds in situations where we feel a need to perform, whether this be at school, work, in social settings or any other area of our lives. If you’ve lived with a loud inner critic for a long time, you might believe that it is the only reason you achieve anything in your life, but in reality it just fuels anxiety, self-doubt, and burnout.
How the Inner Critic Fuels Perfectionism
Perfectionism and the inner critic are deeply interwoven. The inner critic sets impossibly high standards, and perfectionism becomes the strategy for trying to meet them. Here’s how this cycle plays out:
Unrealistic Standards
Your inner critic tells you that only the best is acceptable. Mistakes are not just mistakes - they mean you’re a failure.
Example: You spend hours labouring on a work presentation, fearing that even a minor error will make you look incompetent.
Fear of Failure and Harsh Self-Judgment
When you inevitably fall short of your unrealistic expectations, the inner critic cruelly punishes, guilt-trips, and berates you, leaving you feeling totally inadequate.
Example: After receiving positive feedback on a piece of work, you dismiss this feedback and your hard work, instead fixating on one minor critique, convincing yourself that you didn’t do well enough.
Procrastination and Overwork
You might procrastinate starting tasks due to fear that you won’t meet your own high expectations. Or perhaps you dread getting stuck in the project, exhausting yourself as you push yourself hard, attempting to reach perfection.
Example: You delay submitting an assignment because you believe it isn’t quite “ready”, despite having already spent excessive time reviewing and editing it.
Emotional Exhaustion and Anxiety
You feel a strong sense of pressure and prolonged stress in your pursuit of perfection, leaving you with depleted creativity, confidence, and overall wellbeing.
Example: You struggle to relax or engage in fun activities because your mind is always busy thinking about your (never-ending) to-do list. Or maybe the fun activity looses it’s enjoyment when you begin focusing on how well you’re doing at it.
Challenging the Inner Critic and Releasing Perfectionism
While the inner critic may feel deeply ingrained, you can begin to loosen its grip and develop greater self-compassion.
Recognise the Voice of the Inner Critic
Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. When you catch self-critical thoughts, ask yourself: Is this what I really think, or is this the inner critic speaking? Would I say this to a friend?
Challenge Your Perfectionistic Thoughts
Remind yourself that perfection is a fallacy. Aim for “good enough” instead of perfect, and acknowledge the value in progress over perfection.
Reframe Mistakes as Learning Opportunities
Instead of viewing mistakes as failures, try to recognise they are a part of growth. Mistakes do not define your worth or abilities, they are stepping stones - and they’re unavoidable!
Learn the Language of Self-Compassion
Practice speaking to yourself with kindness. Imagine you’re speaking to a friend and replace self-criticism with words of encouragement: “I did my best, and that’s enough.”
Set Boundaries Around Work and Rest
Schedule downtime for the week ahead and remind yourself that productivity does not determine your value.
Breaking Free from the Perfectionism Trap
Perfectionism and the inner critic thrive on low confidence and self-doubt, but change is possible. By becoming aware of these patterns and actively challenging them, you can create space for greater balance and self-assurance. You deserve to pursue your goals without the weight of perfectionism and the noise of the inner critic holding you back.
